MAUREEN CALLAHAN slams Taylor as a money-grabbing, narcissistic, wannabe poetess and says this intellectually stunted, clichéd new album commits the worst sin of all, TAYLOR HARSH RESPONSE.

Call it the Tortured Audience Response.

A global marketplace carpet-bombed by Taylor Swift must now endure another album, another promotional cycle, another round of score-settling with ex-lovers and a level of navel-gazing that makes J.Lo seem modest.

Then again, Swift never has had a sense of humor about herself, has she?

So here we are, weary of the Eras tour and movie, the Taylor and Travis show, Taylor on the cover of Time as 2023’s Person of the Year, the re-release of two older records last year, Taylor at the 2024 Golden Globes — expressing grave displeasure after a joke about her overexposure — and Taylor at the Grammys, just months ago, appearing to snub terminally ill legend Celine Dion in her haste to grab her trophy.

Swift allowed no breathing room for gratitude that evening, no moment to have her record-breaking achievement sink in, or at least display a little bit of propriety.

Nope, just a hasty pitch for her latest project on free network airtime while feigning complete disbelief that she — little Tay-Tay! — had actually won another award.

It seems Taylor Swift is most inspired not by true artists but titans of commerce. Per the immortal ‘Glengarry Glen Ross’, she must ‘always be closing’ on yet another transaction.

‘I want to say thank you,’ Swift told her fans, ‘by telling you a secret I’ve been keeping from you for the past two years.’

This latest Grammy, accepted seconds prior, was already in Swift’s rearview.

‘My brand-new album comes out April 19,’ she continued. ‘It’s called “The Tortured Poets Department”. I’m going to go and post the cover right now backstage. Thank you, I love you.’

Surely, I am not alone in needing a good, long break from the Tracy Flick of tepid pop.

We have reached peak Swift, the cultural water table oversaturated, soaking us with her narcissistic runoff and bilge. So many meanies, so many revenge tracks, so much endless griping and score-settling.